Blizzard Brawl: Luna's Revenge

Hey all, it's little ol' me, Dancing Kevin, back from my exploits in the Beer and Sausage kingdom of beautiful Milwaukee Wisconsin.

I love Milwaukee, it's the manliest city I know. They proudly tout "The Drunkest City in America"...and I know this is true. My liver screams for help after every visit! (This time was no exception.)

But my liver wasn't the only thing screaming after this visit.
Let me explain...

As you may know...I've done a few TV commercials for The Brew's 97.3 FM. The Brew is the best radio station in Milwaukee, providing a great mix of 80's rock and roll and hair band revelry that people love to rock out to (me included).

I was recently invited to appear at the 3rd Annual Great Lakes Wrestling Event of the season, Blizzard Brawl. If you're a fan of wrestling, you know that a night of Demolition, Skull Krusher, The Texas Hangmen, and Al Snow is well worth the price of admission.

Blizzard Brawl is manly (if you can find a more manly event let me know). Of course, that's why I, Dancing "Manly" Kevin agreed to be part of it.

They wanted me to guest referee a match between wrestling legend Luna Vachon and TNA's own Traci Brooks. My mouth dropped when they asked me, because I grew up watching Luna... and Traci, she's hot (Google her, I think you'll agree). Needless to say, I was honored AND excited.

I was so charged up, that I hardly noticed two hours it took to paint ref stripes and The Brew's logo onto my shirtless body. The paint job must have looked great, because people were clamoring for pictures of Dancing Kevin in his ref gear. The time leading up to the match just flew by.

When the time grew near, we learned that the Blizzard Brawl was going to be Luna's very last match after 35 years in the business. Because of injuries, Luna was going to relinquish her belt to Traci Brooks instead of fighting.

The announcer asked Luna to come out and say a few things to the fans. Halfway through her speech, Traci grabbed me and lead me out to the ring among a mixture of cheers and boos.

We entered the ring and Luna was surprised. I asked if I could say some things and she allowed me to tell her how honored I was to be there for her last match and how I watched her as a kid and loved watching her....when suddenly, Traci yanked the mike out of my hand and began talking!

She began to throw praise onto the grateful Luna.--then--without warning--Traci tells Luna that because she isn't going to defend the belt, Luna doesn't deserve it. Traci yanks the belt away from Luna. Of course, this infuriated Luna and she took a swing at Traci. I...being the ref...felt the need to protect Traci from the sucker punch and blocked it with my arm. This was a BIG MISTAKE.

Luna turns her fury towards me and lands a very swift kick to my man parts with her pointy boots. I drop instantly and roll out of the ring onto the floor clinching my bad boys. The crowd is brutal and now I was at their mercy.

I look up to see a 12 year old boy point at me and yell "Find your balls and put 'em back in your pants, you loser!"

What do you say to that? As I began to analyze what caused the slow decay of western culture that led up to this fine moment, I see Traci thrown out of the ring. I stumble over there to grab her and get her out of there when I look up to see Luna. She was clearly not finished kicking Traci's ass.

Luna jumped down from the ring to beat on Traci some more. She grabbed Traci and threw her into the crowd. I tried to get between them...and I was quickly tossed over 4-5 chairs and landed on my butt.

Luna and Traci fought their way back to the door they came through at the beginning of the match. When they got near the back, there were tables set up selling wrestling memorabillia.
Luna picked Traci up and threw her across the table (it was pretty cool actually!).I jumped up, got between Luna and the table, waving my hands screaming "Thats it, no more" BAD MISTAKE NUMBER TWO.

Luna grabbed me and threw me over the table. I got up and tried to calm her down again. Luna grabbed me once more and threw me over ANOTHER table, this one containing old WWE vhs videos. That vendor did not look happy.

I got up just in time to see Traci run through the back door with Luna behind her swinging a chair. I was left behind with the kind of throbbing pain that only a few adult beverages and some ice could help.

All in all, the 2007 edition of Blizzard Brawl was a hugh success. I'm looking forward to next year. Until next time... stay manly!!

--Dancing Kevin